Perception...not pessimism...

We humans try to find reason behind everything. What distinguishes us from apes and other mammal are our exceptionally active brains, transcending the primeval. But we look for reasons, we search for answers everywhere and anywhere. nevermind the authenticity of where we get our answers from, the establishment tested on time is enough to grant such authenticity. Resonances of religion echo anwers, religion is also a search for answers. Thats why its so at odds with science one proffers it on logic the other on faith.

We live for a reason. Our life has a poupose it cant be a meaningless journey, but is that pourpose defined by a higher authority or is it a quest for self realisation? what do we want to realise ourself for? Whole lifetimes, many trillions of them have gone by in a mindless rut. The few names we remember, it that the kind of self realisation we want? Pessimism is not the object. Reality has its way of defining things for us in such a way that it leaves no room for that time of introspection. Even if we have the liesure of that time, what does a moments realisation stand for? The very next day, or week it is blurred by the events of reality.

Is it experiance of the moments in time that you pass through that leave a lasting impression? raising ambiguities is the pourpose of a poet. Then is everyones life a poem? It is! its sings right from the wailing of the baby, to the trials of the child, through the experiances as an age after another age pass us by leaving in its wake the vast sands of dusty coffins and scattered ashes, till at the end we join in the endless desert. They say the soul is boundless. Religions profess this and science can't deal with it yet. But what is the soul without awareness, without memory? a floating bump of beating gold? a heart shaped listless passivity that just survives in the moment. whether to be tortured in eternal anguish or spend vastness of eternity in empty bliss? there are no answers to what the human mind can not divine. Yet we go on searching for answers. Generations and generations of scholars, thinkers, philosiphers, poets,artisits, scientist, humans have spent the granted average 80 years in pursit of an truth that is not just ellusive but the existance of which is in doubt. What then are these poems worth? living for the now. The beauty of bringing that joy to the hearts of those that read. Evoking emotions, tears, passions, happiness
be it for a fleeting summer or a life of 70. Even though the witness of life may not remain eventually the fact that your life touched a heart, left a mark makes it all worthwhile. The craggy hills of endless eternity can not be trespassed by the concious mind, yet the concious heart can in its earthly presence make a stand so strong that the heartless will cry, the loveless will feel, the passion, the poison, the bitter sweet rememberance of so strong a heartbeat. That in its heartbeat banished the bounds of time and space. that thwarted the finality of death. The heartbeat that burst forth in a pounding of the air and the ripple of the meadowed tall grass. That scarred the moon and smote the sun with a brilliance so strong that it can only be called....Love. obesiance to That shrine wherein beats that heart that can make you love is all that matters, the questions are over. the purpose of my life is to be your purpose. I love you.

Or the lack of it;

so thoughts gathered....baby put me back in my thread .....here goes....

we live in a secular india, where equality is normative and where justice prevails. We have a certain amount of religious tolerance, ofcourse gujrat and Modi are harldy included in that, nor are the missionatry killings of Orissa nor the forcible conversions during the freedom struggle, the muslim - hindu pitch battles are neither testament nor argument to tolerance. Despite all this we can say we do have a certain amount of religious tolerance, after all why shouldn't we tolerate, religion is a personal choice. My religion has nothing to do with yours, and yours has nothing to do with mine. Yet when boundaries blur and lines are overstepped we erupt into zealous warrior clans. The godhra incident, the mass citings i can name in proof of this zealotry is endless. The fact is that we really dont have religious tolerance, calling it indifference is more appropriate. Leaving alone religion lets come down to different matters, communities have zero tolerance of each other, this infact is a well acknowledged way of life, maybe again it can exclude a few highly metropoolised people but this percentage can't even be calculated for its sheer decimality. You have the south Inidans spoken off with contempt in the north, you have the punjabis similarly scorned in the south, the U.P's in other places, need i mention the brethern Bihari?, you have the northeast dissmissivly acknowledged all over the rest of our soverign territory, you have the gujratis and the bengals joked off, you have the middle belt ignored. "Dilli walas" are not very popular in "mumbaikar" eyes and vice versa and of calcutta and madras; well i'll leave that upto your imagination. The bottomline is we dont have communal tolerance, and here communal takes on a different shape not a religious rather regional. This is not even the bottom off how deep tolerance, or the lack of it stretches.

Women, Men the great gender divide. Let me cite a simple example. travelling in delhi's public transportation how often is a man obliged (for fear off offending the over chivialrous types) to give up his seat to a lady, and how many of those times is it done with some silent resentment and grumbling? being honest to myself i would say unless its a really old woman i really dont think any woman has a right to ask for a seat and yet demand equality (but again i shud be taken to task this time by the feminist and the female sex in genral). ofcourse we have tolerance to a much greater extent here, but this is Delhi the capital of Secular India. Having been to many villages you can observe even today that a woman is not tolerated to be studying, to play cricket (indeed!!!), to eat before the man (shocking??) in genral she is not tolerated to have her own individuality. so lets redefine tolerance, infact divide it on a broad spectrum that has no inbetween; you tolerate in the city but grumble and you dont tolerate in the village and thrash! but lets get down to even more instances of tolerance, once again rather the lack of it. Sexuality, it is a individual choice...right? well lets see how we tolerate it. I wouldn't say i am intolerant of different sexualties, i am tolerant as long as it includes consenting adults call it degree wise tolerance. However; some friends, i could call them, get very very turned on by lesbians (the feminine homosexuality) and get very upset (for propriety of words) at gays (the male homosexuality) and i cant say too much about the reverse senario because my female friends really wont tolerate me discussing such opinions with them for fear of breeching there modesty and decency, without which society wont tolerate them.

Leaving gender behind, let me come back to tolerance on political opinions. Lets take our elections. You go to a RSS man and say congress or Laloo or islam or christianity or parsi and you'll be lcuky to escape unthrashed for reasons i cant fathom. Then tolerance on a simple simple level, or agin its lack. Travelling in our famed public transport, you get to hear the best and the worst of hindi music be it the racy remixes, the off beat oldies or the bus drivers 'besura' casette worn with over use and sounding like Lata Mangeshkar ( no offence to the nightingale or her million and one fans); but the minute the driver catches snatches of english on the radio he just cant tolerate it and canters the bus wildly while attempting to change the station. I cant say im any better, while i dont drive buses i dont allow hindi music in my car while im driving either. So then who am i to speak of tolerance. Well, i am nobody in this regard so madonna " papa dont preach" applies to me as well.

Just let me close with saying that Tolerance is an individual choice. So also are the things we must tolerate so just live and let live, the world after all is round.

Many Happennings!!!

we'll since a certain special person has come back its almost like living in a dream, but i know that the seconds are real. i know that the moments are true, i know all this because my heart feels everything all the more poignantly. i am happy...i am sooo soo happy, but this happiness is transient and it only helps you to transit through life but i would have it no other way.

lifes been a whirl and already 10 days have passed, since my baby came back, 10 of the very few days. I cant be all preachy about love, its not my place all i know is that T i love you with all my heart and soul and for you i will do anything.

I was thinking about how seemingly facaded our lives our, we go through the motions of daily life all to be able to live and yet in the end we all must die. i dont wanna talk about sad things well some thoughts are collecting but i'll let them ferment a little more before i can expound a truly philosophical piece....abhi gotta study!!

The reason for being sooo soo happy......what can i say about it??? i love you baby....you make my world the most beautiful place to live in. I've told you before....and now i make a public declaration of it.....if you take all the love of all the lovers in the world it wont be enough to describe my love for you.

I cant get any luckier and i cant get any richer than what your love has made me. You are my T!!!!


I Love You I love You!!!!