Perception...not pessimism...

We humans try to find reason behind everything. What distinguishes us from apes and other mammal are our exceptionally active brains, transcending the primeval. But we look for reasons, we search for answers everywhere and anywhere. nevermind the authenticity of where we get our answers from, the establishment tested on time is enough to grant such authenticity. Resonances of religion echo anwers, religion is also a search for answers. Thats why its so at odds with science one proffers it on logic the other on faith.

We live for a reason. Our life has a poupose it cant be a meaningless journey, but is that pourpose defined by a higher authority or is it a quest for self realisation? what do we want to realise ourself for? Whole lifetimes, many trillions of them have gone by in a mindless rut. The few names we remember, it that the kind of self realisation we want? Pessimism is not the object. Reality has its way of defining things for us in such a way that it leaves no room for that time of introspection. Even if we have the liesure of that time, what does a moments realisation stand for? The very next day, or week it is blurred by the events of reality.

Is it experiance of the moments in time that you pass through that leave a lasting impression? raising ambiguities is the pourpose of a poet. Then is everyones life a poem? It is! its sings right from the wailing of the baby, to the trials of the child, through the experiances as an age after another age pass us by leaving in its wake the vast sands of dusty coffins and scattered ashes, till at the end we join in the endless desert. They say the soul is boundless. Religions profess this and science can't deal with it yet. But what is the soul without awareness, without memory? a floating bump of beating gold? a heart shaped listless passivity that just survives in the moment. whether to be tortured in eternal anguish or spend vastness of eternity in empty bliss? there are no answers to what the human mind can not divine. Yet we go on searching for answers. Generations and generations of scholars, thinkers, philosiphers, poets,artisits, scientist, humans have spent the granted average 80 years in pursit of an truth that is not just ellusive but the existance of which is in doubt. What then are these poems worth? living for the now. The beauty of bringing that joy to the hearts of those that read. Evoking emotions, tears, passions, happiness
be it for a fleeting summer or a life of 70. Even though the witness of life may not remain eventually the fact that your life touched a heart, left a mark makes it all worthwhile. The craggy hills of endless eternity can not be trespassed by the concious mind, yet the concious heart can in its earthly presence make a stand so strong that the heartless will cry, the loveless will feel, the passion, the poison, the bitter sweet rememberance of so strong a heartbeat. That in its heartbeat banished the bounds of time and space. that thwarted the finality of death. The heartbeat that burst forth in a pounding of the air and the ripple of the meadowed tall grass. That scarred the moon and smote the sun with a brilliance so strong that it can only be called....Love. obesiance to That shrine wherein beats that heart that can make you love is all that matters, the questions are over. the purpose of my life is to be your purpose. I love you.

Or the lack of it;

so thoughts gathered....baby put me back in my thread .....here goes....

we live in a secular india, where equality is normative and where justice prevails. We have a certain amount of religious tolerance, ofcourse gujrat and Modi are harldy included in that, nor are the missionatry killings of Orissa nor the forcible conversions during the freedom struggle, the muslim - hindu pitch battles are neither testament nor argument to tolerance. Despite all this we can say we do have a certain amount of religious tolerance, after all why shouldn't we tolerate, religion is a personal choice. My religion has nothing to do with yours, and yours has nothing to do with mine. Yet when boundaries blur and lines are overstepped we erupt into zealous warrior clans. The godhra incident, the mass citings i can name in proof of this zealotry is endless. The fact is that we really dont have religious tolerance, calling it indifference is more appropriate. Leaving alone religion lets come down to different matters, communities have zero tolerance of each other, this infact is a well acknowledged way of life, maybe again it can exclude a few highly metropoolised people but this percentage can't even be calculated for its sheer decimality. You have the south Inidans spoken off with contempt in the north, you have the punjabis similarly scorned in the south, the U.P's in other places, need i mention the brethern Bihari?, you have the northeast dissmissivly acknowledged all over the rest of our soverign territory, you have the gujratis and the bengals joked off, you have the middle belt ignored. "Dilli walas" are not very popular in "mumbaikar" eyes and vice versa and of calcutta and madras; well i'll leave that upto your imagination. The bottomline is we dont have communal tolerance, and here communal takes on a different shape not a religious rather regional. This is not even the bottom off how deep tolerance, or the lack of it stretches.

Women, Men the great gender divide. Let me cite a simple example. travelling in delhi's public transportation how often is a man obliged (for fear off offending the over chivialrous types) to give up his seat to a lady, and how many of those times is it done with some silent resentment and grumbling? being honest to myself i would say unless its a really old woman i really dont think any woman has a right to ask for a seat and yet demand equality (but again i shud be taken to task this time by the feminist and the female sex in genral). ofcourse we have tolerance to a much greater extent here, but this is Delhi the capital of Secular India. Having been to many villages you can observe even today that a woman is not tolerated to be studying, to play cricket (indeed!!!), to eat before the man (shocking??) in genral she is not tolerated to have her own individuality. so lets redefine tolerance, infact divide it on a broad spectrum that has no inbetween; you tolerate in the city but grumble and you dont tolerate in the village and thrash! but lets get down to even more instances of tolerance, once again rather the lack of it. Sexuality, it is a individual choice...right? well lets see how we tolerate it. I wouldn't say i am intolerant of different sexualties, i am tolerant as long as it includes consenting adults call it degree wise tolerance. However; some friends, i could call them, get very very turned on by lesbians (the feminine homosexuality) and get very upset (for propriety of words) at gays (the male homosexuality) and i cant say too much about the reverse senario because my female friends really wont tolerate me discussing such opinions with them for fear of breeching there modesty and decency, without which society wont tolerate them.

Leaving gender behind, let me come back to tolerance on political opinions. Lets take our elections. You go to a RSS man and say congress or Laloo or islam or christianity or parsi and you'll be lcuky to escape unthrashed for reasons i cant fathom. Then tolerance on a simple simple level, or agin its lack. Travelling in our famed public transport, you get to hear the best and the worst of hindi music be it the racy remixes, the off beat oldies or the bus drivers 'besura' casette worn with over use and sounding like Lata Mangeshkar ( no offence to the nightingale or her million and one fans); but the minute the driver catches snatches of english on the radio he just cant tolerate it and canters the bus wildly while attempting to change the station. I cant say im any better, while i dont drive buses i dont allow hindi music in my car while im driving either. So then who am i to speak of tolerance. Well, i am nobody in this regard so madonna " papa dont preach" applies to me as well.

Just let me close with saying that Tolerance is an individual choice. So also are the things we must tolerate so just live and let live, the world after all is round.

Many Happennings!!!

we'll since a certain special person has come back its almost like living in a dream, but i know that the seconds are real. i know that the moments are true, i know all this because my heart feels everything all the more poignantly. i am happy...i am sooo soo happy, but this happiness is transient and it only helps you to transit through life but i would have it no other way.

lifes been a whirl and already 10 days have passed, since my baby came back, 10 of the very few days. I cant be all preachy about love, its not my place all i know is that T i love you with all my heart and soul and for you i will do anything.

I was thinking about how seemingly facaded our lives our, we go through the motions of daily life all to be able to live and yet in the end we all must die. i dont wanna talk about sad things well some thoughts are collecting but i'll let them ferment a little more before i can expound a truly philosophical piece....abhi gotta study!!

The reason for being sooo soo happy......what can i say about it??? i love you baby....you make my world the most beautiful place to live in. I've told you before....and now i make a public declaration of it.....if you take all the love of all the lovers in the world it wont be enough to describe my love for you.

I cant get any luckier and i cant get any richer than what your love has made me. You are my T!!!!


I Love You I love You!!!!

The Sponge People

acknowledgement : to my baby, who coined this, and first observed this..u shud be a psycologist...just kidding

So the sponge people, im sure you have come across one in your life somewhere or the other. The person typically classified as an attention seeking person. (now im an attention seeking person but theres a difference) The difference is that while they only seek and seek and seek and ths get and get and recieve attention they never give back.....i give back in equal measure. when these sponge people are depressed you talk about them and them and their problems and make them feel better, and when you are depressed you still talk about them and them and their problems and make them feel better. Litrally soke up all the attention and sympathy you have and give nothing in return. So sponge people..if ur a sponge person...be different....atleast dont be a dy sponge if ur squeesed do give back...best is dont be a sponge at all....

P.s. this entire entry is in italics because its not my idea...its my baby's. im just the hermes over here. but its a very valid point. and baby when you used it "sponge people" u sounded sooooo cute!!! muah!!

Speaking from your heart

Our generation is such that we never talk from our heart, we are superflous people hiding our emotions behind a curtain of big "hi" s and hugs while inisde we are thinking about something not paticularly nasty but still, the warmth in the greeting is only in the mouth. Many i know measure what they say before saying it and its not just a gaurded tounge we measure how much something can hurt someone before we say it. The classic "bitchiness" of a person, that forked tounge behind pearly white teeth.

We can be free in only our relationships saying whatever we want because we can take the love of our life for granted to an extent ofcourse. Weary of what we say to others, even the most innocent of statements, lest they be misconstrued for something damaging to the all important reputation. When you talk to a person, look at their eyes, the windows to the soul. Its when the eyes crincle up with laughter at a joke of yours, moisten up at some hurt you feel, widen at some shock you convey, that you know the heart is listening to your heart.

But how do you tell if a person is talking to you from the portico of their "house" or from where the hearth is. I wouldn't really know. Sometimes the most gaurded person appears to be communing with you at a level beyond what the toungue can afford. And sometimes the voice from the soul is resounding through a gaurded posterior. Its upto your better judgement so see where lie the realities and where lie the lies. I know in my relationship i can say whatever i want, i can speak my heart, soul and mind be it harsh words for which later i can "do penanance" and being a person who is not gaurded or fake i know that all my friendships are at a level where i make "my person" most comfortable, able to speak from the heart. This bulit in nature is sometimes easy to run all over, and its happened people have walked all over me. Once a friend asked me..."danny are'nt you afraid of being so free, and talking what comes to your mind?" this is what i told her and this is what i tell everyone; You only have one life to live, hiding behind an array of walls and fences will only prevent people from knowing and falling in love with the true you, and when death closes the heart it will be words that dont even apply to you that will be spoken over your grave. (When i die i want people to remeber the soul that spoke from within this body of dust, and on its returning to the earth i want only the voice of that heart to beat in the minds of those who succeed me) Live the person you are, who knows you just might make an everlasting mark on some hearts rather than burning an impression of just two or three seasons on everyone. Speak from the heart...........

some one asked me whats my new avatar?? which is my name on orkut....

this is my then and now!!

This is now....







This is then....



See all the Hair.....Its gone!!

Lover knows best

When you love someone, it shows. not just in the physical chemstry between you, the emotional chemistry between you but in the almost telepathetic connection between you. My lover knows me so well.

When i am was down with two lines you can lift me up.
When i need you u call.
You know when something is wrong and i want to talk about it, but dont want to start rightaway. Your my bestfriend in my lover. like chandler and monica!!
There are those times when you are all i need, and there are those times when your all that i know.

When your life revolves around that one person.
and everything you do is special for that one special person
Baby, you are who makes life worth living for me.
im sooo lucky to have you in my life, and i want to spend my whole life with you.
you know best...whether its serious things, whether im upset over silly things and you know best when it comes to just me!!

so i hope and pray the same applied to you. you make me so happy everyday. and i want to spend the rest of my life making you as happy.!!! i love you baby

My New avatar

So i was planning on growing my hair long, it did go long i could make a little ponytail. but this is a mrk of how impulsive i am....i went and cut it all off!!! [T] hope u love it!!

Referendum....

Why does Kashmir belong to India? why does Nagaland belong to India? clearly they dont want to be a part of a nation that opresses them. I dont know all that much about the Kashmiris, but i have a nagamese friend who in his long talks with me told me a lot of what goes on there, news does carry it but how attractive is the problems of the North East to us. We are more concerned with Pakistan, Kashmir and the Big ego that haunts the Indian parliament and Government.
The plight of the Nagamese, when the army of the nation they "belong" to, is supressing them, killing their men, raping their women!! How pathetic is this glorious cause of the largest Democracy in the world??

As tribals the North East recieves special economic aid packages, but do we really believe that in corrupted India this is ever going to be delivered beyond paper? India is the 17th most corrupted country in the world! Sitting in the metropolitan of India, Sitting in our homes how concerned can we be to the problems of a far of land? Truthfull not so much. So sitting in their bungalows how concerned are the politicians of India of a namesake state of India?......

Today, we had a strike in college, called by the college students union. Their demands were for a Radio in the canteen, wanted to seat their unworthy asses in some committies the spelling of which they wouldn't know and getting their hands on college funds. The pamphlet was written in a manner which would make a class two english teacher cry, and they wonder why the principle has not taken action regarding their letter. some one should ask them is it possible for the prinicple to understand your letter in the first place. These people claim to represent the students, but its all mr nice guy till the elections are won. Maybe some of their causes have weight but by calling a strike so that people who have come for classes cant attend is hardly the way to go about it. They called a strike recently for the fee hike - by wasting the fees already paid they (calling a strike) hope to reduce the fees. If thats not ironical i dont know what is. The saddest part is we lected and they came to power, now, i would first reduce the blame on myself by saying i dint vote, but by not voting i gave my silent assent to their taking the seat. but the students of the college shouldn't be so blind as to not see how the union is more of a nusiance than a aid. And as far as muscle politics goes i think walking into any delhi university college and talking to the union would give you first hand glimpse of that.

So also the politicians of the country, after all they probably were in some students "union" too. The voice of the people can only really be heard in a referendum but that can be tampered with too and it cant be put past any politician to try if it makes him any the richer.

Huger.....

The name of a poem we are studying as part of the literature course. this one thing made me wonder what is a good poem to start with. one that you can easily understand or one that makes you look deep and think. It is a perspective ofcourse..moods depend. whether you want to read something like goodbye miss pushpa or huger.

the peom has one one reading nothing to even attract my attention. in fact on a single glance it doesnt make too much sense. ofcourse certain undertones can be detected. but before i tell you the tru pourpose behind this entry heres the poem....for you to read and see what you can make of it.

'Hunger', Jayanta Mahapatra
It was hard to believe the flesh was heavy on my back.The fisherman said: Will you have her, carelessly,trailing his nets and his nerves, as though his wordssanctified the purpose with which he faced himself.I saw his white bone thrash his eyes.

I followed him across the sprawling sands,my mind thumping in the flesh's sling.Hope lay perhaps in burning the house I lived in.Silence gripped my sleeves; his body clawed at the frothhis old nets had only dragged up from the seas.

In the flickering dark his lean-to opened like a wound.The wind was I, and the days and nights before.Palm fronds scratched my skin. Inside the shackan oil lamp splayed the hours bunched to those walls.Over and over the sticky soot crossed the space of my mind.

I heard him say: My daughter, she's just turned fifteen...Feel her. I'll be back soon, your bus leaves at nine.The sky fell on me, and a father's exhausted wile.Long and lean, her years were cold as rubber.She opened her wormy legs wide. I felt the hunger there,the other one, the fish slithering, turning inside.

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.....................................................space to think.

what do you think it means. the last stanza should really clear up things for you, but okay cutting to the chase. its a poem of a father and a daughter who are so poor that the father forces his daughter into prostitution just to earn a living. the daughter is supposedly 15 years old right. okay so thats the crux of the poem.
what my point is then, is that this happens today we all know that im sure none of you reading this are walking around with rose tinted glasses. but revolting as it is its the truth. the shocking part is that some people in my class din't even know this could happen. to them it was perhaps a fictional pice of the poets skewed up disgusting mind!
Here we are living ur lives, we see the beggars on the roads, we've been seeing them since forever, we are so numb to their presence. A simple 'aage chalo' dismisses that dusty, hungry, ragged body, i call it a body because we dont even register them as people. We even joke about it in subtle ways with our friends. How many havn't said 'aage chalo' to some one or the other. Are we then by our failure to respond to these pleas of help condoning them to generation and generations of misery? of poverty? 'let the government handle it' right? thats the answer? im not saying give money to every beggar you see. We the poeple are the government, it just needs us to walk out of our ivory towers, a/c halls and take two steps in the truth of India. I write this, i know that these may well be only words for i dont have the time to go myself. but forcing his daughter to sell her body so that they can eat? infact it is hard to leave those words written there on the screen...'its only word' because it leaves negative light on me. i become a preacher without any practice. but maybe if i leave them here they'll nag me enough to go do sumthing on the lines of what i feel right now. Big words should not remain in a hollow voice. I shall help.

and if you know of some one who would read this and devote time to these lost people, ask them to read it, maybe they need that jolt, like mine was hunger. i know some one she already does do social service in the true sense of the term....pria. every drop in the ocean would help.

Humming Thrumming in the stomach?

No im not giving you medical advice. No im not talking about a new bird flue virus. No i dont want to mention exams. Yes but its a mention to a similar sensation. The sweeping anxiety that triggers the panic button in us all. You have to remeber the hour before you exam and you haven't even covered half the course. You have to remeber doing something that you know you'll be punished for if your caught. so then with all of that you have to remeber the swooping sensation in your stomach. No? refer to high speed rollar coaster going down with you at the front seat!! Yes? Good. So that feeling, i've been having that feeling all day today. i dont know why. No exam near, not doing anything too naughty, not on a rollar coaster. Infact i've been having that feeling for the past few days. its because of a subconsious decision i had taken, which ofcourse being subconsious i wasn't aware of till about 3-4 hours ago today. SO have i built you up to the level of trepidation i want to?

We'll on;ly people with long hair know what im talking about and im not taling about a girls long hair. I got a haircut!!! hahah!!! it looks awsome!! but all this while i had this felling in the pit of my stomach what if the barber butchers it??? (And...oh!! and...i thot i had a stomach upset so was taking medicine for it too!!!...............for 3 days continuously.....................Enough laughing)

So we have these feelings in the pit of our stomach. That go....hummm thrummm...brummmmm.....well its not a very nice feeling but the next time it happens i shall keep in mind that i've taken some unconsious decison.

Fool for the soul coming up later...keep checking in...byes!!

Deviations?....

Where does our self esteem go? At times when the world seems to be your play ground, when time seems to be your best friend. Your hot, young, sexy and then all of a sudden you feel unwanted, you feel ugly. it happened to me before, it happened to anisha, it happens to Tej. so i want to know how does it happen all of a sudden, usually we are so sure of ourselves. I know i can make anything look good and if i can do it Anisha can do it a 100 better, and so can my baby. So then why like at a clap of thunder your filled with self hate? Does it happen only to a attention fed person, that when your suddenly alone you fell unwanted? is it selfish to even wonder this? we all have some one who is there to make us feel like the most desirable person on earth if not as yet will some time or later.

When you want that calm reassurance, when you need that satisfaction do you flip through memories? How far can a memory carry you? i know mine can Carry me a long long way. but in the pit of dispair, when you can taste the bitter dregs of loathing and self hate and depression nuthing will hold. just the voice of your lover telling you how special you are, a friend can only do so much. Its the golden pedestial that you need to be set apon. its the wave of love that carries you out of the cold ocean of life. Like the warm rays of the sun on a chilly winter day, its like those welcome breaths of fresh air on a hot day. Its like being in the open. Its like humming in the bathroom. when you fell good about yourself. thats what love can do. Oh baby i miss you sooo sooo much!! I cant live another moment without you. so that i never ever have such a moment when i hate myself...coz i can only love myself when im with you. You make me special, that radiant smile on my face that everyone wonders at, its because your there. those best of moods when i can even love the people i dont like, its becaue you love me so much. When you can sit through a boring class dreaming of you. When the time flys by till im with you, and then it can wind down to a snails pace and yet rush by on wings of angels.

I miss you, i love you.

Lazy Day......

Our college today was on strike, a glorious, blissful day of sleeping late, breakfast in bed watching T.v. all day long. However, sleep through the day and you have to sit up all night. Guess im going to be online then.

So on request im composing an Ode to my lover. Now im not a court poet ar a ballad'ist. But i'll try.

Ode to My Lover

With the silent whisper of the wind
the touch of your lips
with the golden rays of the sun
the warmth of your hands

The beauty of the moon and all the stars
in the twinkling of your eyes
The Sound of the ocean, its peace
in your presence, in your arms

Songs of the morning Lark
Sent of the freshly wet earth
Sight of a blooming rose
touch of a silken sleeve

Nothing can hold candle
to the way i feel about you
Nothing can enrapture my heart
The way you have, my love

If to paradise i was destined
i'd say its not a place
i'd say you dont need wings
i'd say its a person
My angel, My strength, My Baby
Its you, my life and my heart
My Paradise

(p.s - sorry it doesnt rhyme) hope you love it baby, coz it came from my heart where you are enthroned

TAle OF Woe

Okay so now im sufficiently not depressed to write my little tale of woe......i was for the past two years doing Eco (h)...and well maths is my achilles heel.....so in my first year i had a statistics paper..which alas owing to its overburdening quantity of congealed maths...i flunked...so humph and bugger to that..newyas i sed no biggie will handle it in the 2nd yr..in DU ur allowed to carry foward a flunked paper to your next year and you can attempt it then coz DU doesnt have any system of re-examination.........as archaic as it is...it doesnt...Shocked????? Yes, then i moved to my 2nd year along with 22 of my bathc mates of which 13 had an ER (Essential Repeat ) in Stats. (Not the only achilles huh??) now lets get to the sicker part!!! MAths a full paper in my 2nd year...and here i was happily thinking oh how bad can it be??? so wiht no forethought whatso ever no doubts about backing out. I gladly pushed into a mass of very obsolete mathematics and contradictory economics theories. And dear reader, if i wanted to be a statistician i would have taken bloody well statistics hons no? but our course setters know best. so leaving that to that. emerged from the bloody mess very confident of a 70+ aggregate for my 2nd year. Including, Maths. I'll come to the stats paper in a bit. In my internals i got 75% in my maths paper, Me, Danny Gosh i was so shocked. now my stats paper, i prepared well i was so damn cocksure of making it and besides ours was the last batch wth the old syllabus so we really though lady luck was on our side. i got the paper and i knew everthing set down to it and was happily gliding along when 15 mins thru our 2 hr paper an examiner comes and askes if there are any 2004 students...so we all raised our hands. so he asked what paper we wer giving. and like eager to please school children we checked the front of our papers. horrified to see New Course written on it!!! after being admonished for really no fault of ours apart from doing a paper the examinaer, the oh so knowing examiner handed to us. they gave us the Old course papers and dear lord!! bless my soul it was, if not more, as confounding as the one i gave last year. so well knew id flunk stats again.

Now this is where the shit realy hits the fan. summer break over. results out. Out of body experiance. learnt i've been flunked all together no breakups are given right away. Shocked shocked shocked. walking around like a zombie. not aware of anything. dint even have my baby to lean on. ran around south campus trying to get my mark sheet but bloody pesky staff cant really blame them made me shuffle between college and south campus and since i dint know what i was doing then wasnt aware of heat, of sweat, of shit. just ket bobbing back and forth like a tennis ball. Anyways. i decided to come back to senses. went to Dyal singh college and took admission in English hons!! what i shud have done 2 years back and wud have easly made North Campus. So here i am happy in English. my Mark sheet came flunked only maths my other 3 2nd yr papers all 60+...sent evrything for revaluation anyways. Really really happy in English...my very soul thrived on a subject i was born for. and now a week ago i heard that.....splat spalt spalt...guess what hit the fan....all my papers have gone for a 2nd reval excluding stats....it means theres a more than 5% increase in my marks in all my papers. Akash did the maths for me it means a good 8 marks, 7 more than what i need to pass maths.

I Can go back to my 3rd year. after, after get this...missing on 1 and a half sem of 5 100 mark subjects, 1st and 2nd year papers combine to a total of only 400 in the third year you have 5 papers worth 100 each contibuting to your degree of 900 marks. and to top it off i still have to do fucking stats. SO yea...i am so damn...****** up!!! and i love my new college my course everything about it.

SO Justice of FATE,GOD etc etc....???? can you read???

i wish it were so easy to just move from one thing to the next i sed thing coz atleast that should be easy but when you have so many decisions frought with so much...with so much dependant on it....its so hard....

am i supposed to tell my self keep the faith...believe in destiny, in god....i guess when mankind has no direction can not fully weigh out those decisons then you gotta say god help me....right...

when i need people just no one is there for me.....i guess its the way of things.....if i could explain the choking lump in my throat, the anger, the frustration over things that happen the way everything just turns around and fucks you up. god im getting base. oh chuck it....

What Fun....

So after ages i had sooo much fun yesterday. was out the whole day with anisha, actually went to her place boy its so far.....neways we cot up on a lot that we wer missing on coz of the business of her majesty!!! nd i tried to make her edit her orkut profile wich sadly is still almost as bland as it was before. Then we played NFS most wanted and i won most of the time!! heheh!!! nd her mom made yum alu puri which i had like after ages!!! nd kulfi...i love kulfi.....god! nd mind you i dont do food at all so this was really goooood food!!!! Then we went to CP and we met akash whos now in pilani, it was so much fun catching up....he was telling us (in reported speech) about his drunken experiance lol which was hilarious and the Manili trip which was a blast nd at sum places disgustingly gross!!! but god it was so much fun. ofcourse wont sem like much but then how many of you know anisha n the new avatar of akash. so was out the whole day, after that went to church for singing practice. were performing in a competition this saturday...so it was fun. Nd obvsly i enoy bugging bag soooo much!! nd she gets bugged too. Shez just so bugable!! cant help it if your bugable beware!! Of me!! haha!!! so for the day sed bye bye to the solitary Dan.

but today i went to college and it was actually a Ghost college. Only Smita was there. the corridores were empty populated only by faint whispers, the mirrors in the toilets were only for my vanity today but im not that vain to use it on an empty day. and the crisp winter setting in brought a waking aloneness to the whole college that i could just sink into. so i did. I sat in college for about half an hour and it was great to just be alone like that. not just shutting out sounds and sight by lissening to music and closing your eyes but quite litrally there was nuthing to see just an empty class, an empty football field, a bare portico and it was just me and the glorious silence. You know 4 months back i would never have been this "Solitary Reaper" a certain someone would not have let me. But i think im connecting with the old Danny...not that its good or bad...i love being in both worlds.....everything happens for a reason but today i kinda wondered, does everything that happens a opposite of what happened like sum law of newton-sumthing sumthing equal and opposite force? you know like when you laugh too much you gotta cry too when your with people the whole day you gotta be alone too? I dont know how true the former is-very true in my case. but you cant disagree in the latter..even if your not with soo many people when your awake...when you sleep you are alone...we all have that alone time or atleast our subconscience needs it, but my conscience is alive in a 6th sense probably. and all m'night shyamlins dont think im like ghost watcher or sumthing i just guess it allows me a lot of forwarning in the form of my intuition...which has been wrong before and now gets its fare share of abuse from shantanu btu i trust it all the time coz it has prooved itself time and again in grave matters and light matters. so now m not gonna babble more nonsense cya laters!! bye
love you all!

this is the about me that i shoulh have written on my profile but how many people read the about me's so heres the about me from "the" me.......

if change is the only constant thing in life, then i have changed a lot and with me my relationships have changed. Be it my friends, be it my parents, be it my family. Does then your relationship define who you are? Yes....mostly because i am many people. Sum will say i am thsi and some say i am that. But before you hear the this, that and the not so this-that. Let me tell you the me i know. The Danny i believe i am.

It is my heart that does the thinking for me. Its my emotions that rule me...to a large extent i might justify. Childish and yet mature, thats part of my appeal. I love being loved by all and i go out of my way to make some one happy be it a stranger or a friend. I guess this is why i demand so much attention. Maybe its because from my childhood i aim to please, many a times in the end just wind up hurting myself. Now, part of the change is that i wont try so hard. I am an 'Artiste' and a philosipher lol!! so when you come to know me properly you know that i need that" my time". When i dont like answering calls, when even if im surrounded by people or just genrally with friends i feel that need to be alone. To go and think about things. pointless things, important things whatever they are they are just a part of what goes into making me who i am.
SO along with me you get...free mai...my mood swings. I can be the social animal we all love and i can be the recluse we all find strange. its just the people...the my people as i will now cal them that love me as a whole. Enough of serious about me.

Let me tell you my quirks...
1.) I love choclates..no i seriously do not just the average oh everyone loves choclates...I LOVE THEM
2.) I dont like food....this adds to the i love choclates. makes them all the more special to me
3.) I am not a fan of either hindi music or hindi movies anddont try to change me you'll end up bloody and bruised...hehe!! in fact not a fan of hindi. can call me the Desi-Aangrez!! get it?
4.) I am a health freak bordering bulemic some call me...but whatever.....
5.) Stubborn on my principles no matter how mis-founded they are.
6.) Make good friends with Taureans specially one(m Aquarious)
7.) Love rum and coke my favourite drink...get me high on it!!!
8.) Read a lot
9.)...........like a freakishly lot!!!!
10.) Top ten is enough i guess.....so lastly major quirk...dont like to talk to people who are unmarried (wait theres more...m not a freak man) but wear rings. (Now tats what i call a quirk)

now to acquaint you with my passions
1.) One Taurean....stupid stubborn arrogant sweetheart teddy
2.) Soccer just the game
3.) Lord of the rings
4.) Music...my music
5.) Dancing....have a lot of moves for a certain sumbody...come back soon!!! ;)
6.) Nd im passionate about obvsly choclates
7.) The O.C and Lost i never miss an episode
8.) Painting....doing a nice new one will take a pic and post it soon..look out!!
9.) Throwing tantrums
10.) ummmmm.........cant mention but will give you a hint!!! no i wont!!

and if you care to read a little more...top 5 reasons to hate me..this shud have gottn ur attention
1.) The rating and raving of mine about only one topic most of the time...coz its all my life.
2.) The bugging that i do
3.) Mood swings m actually having one rite now
4.) The number of times I'll make u visit UCB
5.) And.................the pointlessness of my stories

Torn...

have you ever been torn away from the person you love.....torn by distance? what does the world want by seperating you?? its so frustrating....you long for that oe face and all you get is a million other sumtelling you you shud move on coz disatnce and time are the two greatest enemies of love....and sum say hold on i know its hard and difficult but those are just words only i can know what it is to be away from my special sumone...no one else can know that..only i know the strenght of my love...though i make an open confession to sum adultry i did...but in my defence i was only trying to fill up the sudden vaccume in my life and i found it highly inadequate.......

what will 5 years from now bring? i will still be torn that i know but how rent and tattered i will be is left to the mercy of time and its brother in arms distance....but i know the threads that hold us together will need a lot more slashes to tear us apart.

catalyst.....

you think the word is only a chemistry word. only sumthing to be sen in a lab. Our daily lives our so full of catalysts, we arent even sumtimes aware of the sudden changes the sudden fragmentation of things around us.

i lost a friend. its not the first time its happened. its probably not the last time it will happen. just all of a sudden out of the blue. but it still hurts. it hurts as bad as the first time when my best friend sent me three messages after a trivial argument. and things turned sour, bitter between us reality check came in with such an abrupt bang that it shocked the hell out of me, and life...life became crazy. Started ignoring the one person you meet and spend all your time with. pretending the other doesnt exist, whats worse all this happens only in a relationship so i guess we were really close friends. Now it happened again!! the worst part is i dont even know what prompted it. he said our wavelengths dont match. I say have oyu forgotten all those long conversations we've had? laughing our heads off, talking serious stuff, just genrally getting bored on the phone or sitting sumplace and chatting away.

People wonder why i get so attached to sumone. i wonder too. it really hurts and then insecurity is just an aftermath. Is this all some kind of test? or some kind of preparation??