TAle OF Woe

Okay so now im sufficiently not depressed to write my little tale of woe......i was for the past two years doing Eco (h)...and well maths is my achilles heel.....so in my first year i had a statistics paper..which alas owing to its overburdening quantity of congealed maths...i flunked...so humph and bugger to that..newyas i sed no biggie will handle it in the 2nd yr..in DU ur allowed to carry foward a flunked paper to your next year and you can attempt it then coz DU doesnt have any system of re-examination.........as archaic as it is...it doesnt...Shocked????? Yes, then i moved to my 2nd year along with 22 of my bathc mates of which 13 had an ER (Essential Repeat ) in Stats. (Not the only achilles huh??) now lets get to the sicker part!!! MAths a full paper in my 2nd year...and here i was happily thinking oh how bad can it be??? so wiht no forethought whatso ever no doubts about backing out. I gladly pushed into a mass of very obsolete mathematics and contradictory economics theories. And dear reader, if i wanted to be a statistician i would have taken bloody well statistics hons no? but our course setters know best. so leaving that to that. emerged from the bloody mess very confident of a 70+ aggregate for my 2nd year. Including, Maths. I'll come to the stats paper in a bit. In my internals i got 75% in my maths paper, Me, Danny Gosh i was so shocked. now my stats paper, i prepared well i was so damn cocksure of making it and besides ours was the last batch wth the old syllabus so we really though lady luck was on our side. i got the paper and i knew everthing set down to it and was happily gliding along when 15 mins thru our 2 hr paper an examiner comes and askes if there are any 2004 students...so we all raised our hands. so he asked what paper we wer giving. and like eager to please school children we checked the front of our papers. horrified to see New Course written on it!!! after being admonished for really no fault of ours apart from doing a paper the examinaer, the oh so knowing examiner handed to us. they gave us the Old course papers and dear lord!! bless my soul it was, if not more, as confounding as the one i gave last year. so well knew id flunk stats again.

Now this is where the shit realy hits the fan. summer break over. results out. Out of body experiance. learnt i've been flunked all together no breakups are given right away. Shocked shocked shocked. walking around like a zombie. not aware of anything. dint even have my baby to lean on. ran around south campus trying to get my mark sheet but bloody pesky staff cant really blame them made me shuffle between college and south campus and since i dint know what i was doing then wasnt aware of heat, of sweat, of shit. just ket bobbing back and forth like a tennis ball. Anyways. i decided to come back to senses. went to Dyal singh college and took admission in English hons!! what i shud have done 2 years back and wud have easly made North Campus. So here i am happy in English. my Mark sheet came flunked only maths my other 3 2nd yr papers all 60+...sent evrything for revaluation anyways. Really really happy in English...my very soul thrived on a subject i was born for. and now a week ago i heard that.....splat spalt spalt...guess what hit the fan....all my papers have gone for a 2nd reval excluding stats....it means theres a more than 5% increase in my marks in all my papers. Akash did the maths for me it means a good 8 marks, 7 more than what i need to pass maths.

I Can go back to my 3rd year. after, after get this...missing on 1 and a half sem of 5 100 mark subjects, 1st and 2nd year papers combine to a total of only 400 in the third year you have 5 papers worth 100 each contibuting to your degree of 900 marks. and to top it off i still have to do fucking stats. SO yea...i am so damn...****** up!!! and i love my new college my course everything about it.

SO Justice of FATE,GOD etc etc....???? can you read???

i wish it were so easy to just move from one thing to the next i sed thing coz atleast that should be easy but when you have so many decisions frought with so much...with so much dependant on it....its so hard....

am i supposed to tell my self keep the faith...believe in destiny, in god....i guess when mankind has no direction can not fully weigh out those decisons then you gotta say god help me....right...

when i need people just no one is there for me.....i guess its the way of things.....if i could explain the choking lump in my throat, the anger, the frustration over things that happen the way everything just turns around and fucks you up. god im getting base. oh chuck it....

What Fun....

So after ages i had sooo much fun yesterday. was out the whole day with anisha, actually went to her place boy its so far.....neways we cot up on a lot that we wer missing on coz of the business of her majesty!!! nd i tried to make her edit her orkut profile wich sadly is still almost as bland as it was before. Then we played NFS most wanted and i won most of the time!! heheh!!! nd her mom made yum alu puri which i had like after ages!!! nd kulfi...i love kulfi.....god! nd mind you i dont do food at all so this was really goooood food!!!! Then we went to CP and we met akash whos now in pilani, it was so much fun catching up....he was telling us (in reported speech) about his drunken experiance lol which was hilarious and the Manili trip which was a blast nd at sum places disgustingly gross!!! but god it was so much fun. ofcourse wont sem like much but then how many of you know anisha n the new avatar of akash. so was out the whole day, after that went to church for singing practice. were performing in a competition this saturday...so it was fun. Nd obvsly i enoy bugging bag soooo much!! nd she gets bugged too. Shez just so bugable!! cant help it if your bugable beware!! Of me!! haha!!! so for the day sed bye bye to the solitary Dan.

but today i went to college and it was actually a Ghost college. Only Smita was there. the corridores were empty populated only by faint whispers, the mirrors in the toilets were only for my vanity today but im not that vain to use it on an empty day. and the crisp winter setting in brought a waking aloneness to the whole college that i could just sink into. so i did. I sat in college for about half an hour and it was great to just be alone like that. not just shutting out sounds and sight by lissening to music and closing your eyes but quite litrally there was nuthing to see just an empty class, an empty football field, a bare portico and it was just me and the glorious silence. You know 4 months back i would never have been this "Solitary Reaper" a certain someone would not have let me. But i think im connecting with the old Danny...not that its good or bad...i love being in both worlds.....everything happens for a reason but today i kinda wondered, does everything that happens a opposite of what happened like sum law of newton-sumthing sumthing equal and opposite force? you know like when you laugh too much you gotta cry too when your with people the whole day you gotta be alone too? I dont know how true the former is-very true in my case. but you cant disagree in the latter..even if your not with soo many people when your awake...when you sleep you are alone...we all have that alone time or atleast our subconscience needs it, but my conscience is alive in a 6th sense probably. and all m'night shyamlins dont think im like ghost watcher or sumthing i just guess it allows me a lot of forwarning in the form of my intuition...which has been wrong before and now gets its fare share of abuse from shantanu btu i trust it all the time coz it has prooved itself time and again in grave matters and light matters. so now m not gonna babble more nonsense cya laters!! bye
love you all!

this is the about me that i shoulh have written on my profile but how many people read the about me's so heres the about me from "the" me.......

if change is the only constant thing in life, then i have changed a lot and with me my relationships have changed. Be it my friends, be it my parents, be it my family. Does then your relationship define who you are? Yes....mostly because i am many people. Sum will say i am thsi and some say i am that. But before you hear the this, that and the not so this-that. Let me tell you the me i know. The Danny i believe i am.

It is my heart that does the thinking for me. Its my emotions that rule me...to a large extent i might justify. Childish and yet mature, thats part of my appeal. I love being loved by all and i go out of my way to make some one happy be it a stranger or a friend. I guess this is why i demand so much attention. Maybe its because from my childhood i aim to please, many a times in the end just wind up hurting myself. Now, part of the change is that i wont try so hard. I am an 'Artiste' and a philosipher lol!! so when you come to know me properly you know that i need that" my time". When i dont like answering calls, when even if im surrounded by people or just genrally with friends i feel that need to be alone. To go and think about things. pointless things, important things whatever they are they are just a part of what goes into making me who i am.
SO along with me you get...free mai...my mood swings. I can be the social animal we all love and i can be the recluse we all find strange. its just the people...the my people as i will now cal them that love me as a whole. Enough of serious about me.

Let me tell you my quirks...
1.) I love choclates..no i seriously do not just the average oh everyone loves choclates...I LOVE THEM
2.) I dont like food....this adds to the i love choclates. makes them all the more special to me
3.) I am not a fan of either hindi music or hindi movies anddont try to change me you'll end up bloody and bruised...hehe!! in fact not a fan of hindi. can call me the Desi-Aangrez!! get it?
4.) I am a health freak bordering bulemic some call me...but whatever.....
5.) Stubborn on my principles no matter how mis-founded they are.
6.) Make good friends with Taureans specially one(m Aquarious)
7.) Love rum and coke my favourite drink...get me high on it!!!
8.) Read a lot
9.)...........like a freakishly lot!!!!
10.) Top ten is enough i guess.....so lastly major quirk...dont like to talk to people who are unmarried (wait theres more...m not a freak man) but wear rings. (Now tats what i call a quirk)

now to acquaint you with my passions
1.) One Taurean....stupid stubborn arrogant sweetheart teddy
2.) Soccer just the game
3.) Lord of the rings
4.) Music...my music
5.) Dancing....have a lot of moves for a certain sumbody...come back soon!!! ;)
6.) Nd im passionate about obvsly choclates
7.) The O.C and Lost i never miss an episode
8.) Painting....doing a nice new one will take a pic and post it soon..look out!!
9.) Throwing tantrums
10.) ummmmm.........cant mention but will give you a hint!!! no i wont!!

and if you care to read a little more...top 5 reasons to hate me..this shud have gottn ur attention
1.) The rating and raving of mine about only one topic most of the time...coz its all my life.
2.) The bugging that i do
3.) Mood swings m actually having one rite now
4.) The number of times I'll make u visit UCB
5.) And.................the pointlessness of my stories

Torn...

have you ever been torn away from the person you love.....torn by distance? what does the world want by seperating you?? its so frustrating....you long for that oe face and all you get is a million other sumtelling you you shud move on coz disatnce and time are the two greatest enemies of love....and sum say hold on i know its hard and difficult but those are just words only i can know what it is to be away from my special sumone...no one else can know that..only i know the strenght of my love...though i make an open confession to sum adultry i did...but in my defence i was only trying to fill up the sudden vaccume in my life and i found it highly inadequate.......

what will 5 years from now bring? i will still be torn that i know but how rent and tattered i will be is left to the mercy of time and its brother in arms distance....but i know the threads that hold us together will need a lot more slashes to tear us apart.

catalyst.....

you think the word is only a chemistry word. only sumthing to be sen in a lab. Our daily lives our so full of catalysts, we arent even sumtimes aware of the sudden changes the sudden fragmentation of things around us.

i lost a friend. its not the first time its happened. its probably not the last time it will happen. just all of a sudden out of the blue. but it still hurts. it hurts as bad as the first time when my best friend sent me three messages after a trivial argument. and things turned sour, bitter between us reality check came in with such an abrupt bang that it shocked the hell out of me, and life...life became crazy. Started ignoring the one person you meet and spend all your time with. pretending the other doesnt exist, whats worse all this happens only in a relationship so i guess we were really close friends. Now it happened again!! the worst part is i dont even know what prompted it. he said our wavelengths dont match. I say have oyu forgotten all those long conversations we've had? laughing our heads off, talking serious stuff, just genrally getting bored on the phone or sitting sumplace and chatting away.

People wonder why i get so attached to sumone. i wonder too. it really hurts and then insecurity is just an aftermath. Is this all some kind of test? or some kind of preparation??