The ability to be impulsive

There are in the world that set of people who will always do impulsive things. Always take the plunge before looking. The percentage of the population that has no sense of rationality, very stereotypically this irrationality is assigned to women. Just as its counterpart, logic is assigned to men. But thats wrong to say women are irrational, because given the history of mankind most wars, which we all agree to be an irrational waste of human life . But I'm digressing from what I wanted to write. All things said and done, and i am one of those irrational people, that these group or type of people are always going to be there. Are gonna take flight over stupid things, are gonna get into a temper for nothing. These people they make up that half of humanity that brings to the world a spontaneity, not a genralization mind you, that the rational side might abhor, might laugh at, might love, might find cute, might get angry in there turn. The world becomes a place to laugh at, to get angry at, to love, to sigh at, to say its incorrigible, but its just a lil green chili to your omlette and a little red chili to your noodles, a lil pepper to your butter.

the ability to be irrational is always a ability not a disability.....

A Naked desert

Starkness!! Today i just felt to put it bluntly "low", emotionally drained, absolutely exhausted. There are those times when you just need a hug from a close one. From someone, in whose embrace you can totally unburden. Just cry your eyes out. Just just let loose all the pent up store of this wasteland thats called life. Let it transgress into the evergreen gardens of love. Just release the immeasurable sadness that we humans just accumulate. Gather and gather and store and store till it reached a point when it needs to be released. Like a climax in a song of bitter sadness. Like the dying wail of a pierced animal.

Just needing that release, you call people, you call for help and no one....No One is available. after all we all gather up our own stores of sadness. Just when and where we can never anticipate . And who and how are we needed is also beyond the fathoms of human understanding. Sensing the last desperate pleas of a mute cry for help is an art, a matter of intuition, a hearing of the heart. So clouded are we by the mundane wretchedness of our own lives that we cease to look beyond ourselves. There is a part of life that the soul must necessarily tread alone all alone, a bitter, sour road, thorny and twisted and its only big enough for one.

Strange is this need for a human touch of reassurance, for a want of something to drive away loneliness. I nearly did something very out of character today, driven by this need. I almost went over to a girl i saw today who I thought might be the same notch as my standard of friends, just to drive away the immense loneliness. But then i did say nearly, choosing rather to wallow in whatever "it" is for a while longer so that i could go and call my baby. Of course i know right now time is a shortage on your hands. So i have no qualms in telling you that i completely understand. ( i'm not trying to victimise myself, and for you to think that would be the last thing i need right now) As i tried other friends suddenly I just came across busy or unanswered numbers.

Completely depressed by this time i went to my Grandmothers room, and i Saw her close to tears. So instead of seeking the comfort i needed, I dispensed comfort and so strained to the very last dregs of my emotional sanity, i went searching for my mother, to completely un burden. Whilst hugging her i had to hold back the tears that were desperate for release, for i cant handle the demanded explanations that were to follow. So i turn to a book, benumbing my desperate tattered and bruised emotional quotient. Sorrow, and pain in every page i turn to.
In the last safe house, i look to my brother, and once again, it just turns to a deadened hush, a busy brother is no use to a sadness strained heart. And alas i retire this night to now only the blackness of sleep to shroud me and my wailing tormented soul and heart from "it".

And will this glorious redeemer of all ills, named blissful sleep arrive?, luggage and all? Question is will the pain in my heart allow my eyes to shut out a cruel, cruel world?

hmmm...so this card says its for someone special...you wanna know why you're so special baby?
- because you've got the most amazing smile!
- because you've got eyes with the world in them!
- because you've got the lips of an angel!
- because you've got the touch of a rose bud!
- because you've got the yummiest body!!!
- because you've got the strength of a rock!
- because you've got a HEART of GOLD!
because, basically, you are 32669 - my angel :)


remember what i said about italics!! i love you baby!!

What does it mean to be 20!! Well I did approach the age barrier with a bit of apprehension!! after all you do realize that your teens are over....and some where it does sink in that your just going to get older. When were 10 we want to be 13, when we become 13 we want to be 16, when we are 16 we want to be 18. Thats where the buck stops after that you just want to stay 18, or max 19.

Honestly i don't see the magic in young ages. Growing older brings with it a lot of responsibility not just for yourself..but you become responsible for you parents for you relationship, for you lover and for so many things. With this responsibility comes the beauty of leading life your own way. Being completely in charge. And as you grow older its learning from your mistakes and experiences. its doing things that aren't for kids, its responsibility for a job and a career. Its a lot of responsibility which only lazy people will shy away from. Its something i look forward to. So im not miffed about turning 20. Life's just beginning!!! And with the way mine is going i'm eager to live it!! Because i have the best course, i have the best friends, i Have the most respnsibility in my course, i have an amazing family and most of all i have a most beautiful person im my life who i want to care for, who i want to cherish who i want to be responsible for, who i want to lovingly take care of, for all my life. And i look forward to the years when i spend all my life with that one person. Being responsible and turning older dont scare me because after all i'm going to have a life whcih will be the fullest most beautiful place to be!! And i love it!!!

HAppY AnNiverSaRy

Outside beyond my window
in the darkness of the sleepless night
pours torrents of rain now
the cold creeps in, chilly bite

briefly in touches my toes
briefly it nibbles at my fingertips
but it has no place in a heart
in a heart warmed by your love

The joy of love
the warmth of a look
the million words of a smile
the tight hug of comfort

Baby'T is all i love
Baby Ever love me
Baby Dont let go
Baby Darling you are mine
Baby You are only forever mine

What can be said i say in a look
what cant be heard i see in your eyes
What is this love,
Its made in heaven
Its made for eternity
Its my love and your love
purer than an unicorn
It was meant to happen and
I'm so glad you happened in my life

Happy Anniversary!!

Strange Weather

the world is silent

The cold stone, The words on the tombstone
a sad 3 lines to speak of a lifetime
the voice that sang of beauty and pain
the voice now stilled echoing only in the brain

And god stood still
The angels were silenced
as they witnessed the mute plea
of the deafening atrocity

Looking on in a wrath so bitter
the raging seas were struck still
the world frozen in time
not a pin could drop
no more blood would spill
when the world in silence does stop

the government and the execution
the end of a dictator
no more would his voice dictate
silence!! the court proclaims: guilty!

A far a lovers plea,
A still silent childless mother
dried up eyes and a face marked with sorrowful tear
the mouth will remain shut
for deaf is the world besot with fear

A million widows and a trillion orphans
a hungry billion and a dying zillion
a hopeful expectant hundred thousand
a still happy thousand
a waking ten hundreds
yawning in the morning light of a hundred suns
have all in common a single silence

A lone single silent
A prayed not even whispered
And delivered a beauty, words can not do
a silent tree bearing its agony

A gentle breeze in silence reassuring
and soft touch that only in silence can endure
remember the silent tombstone
for into that silence he world shall fade

A painting in still solemn quiet
a story read in just your mind
A smile in passing said more than a simple word
And atlast when nothing remains silence knows your there

And a poem that lays no form still in silence said
what a world of words can never believe
Silence! The world is silent.

Waiting for May

Stifled trials, questionable existence
Travel in the wrong sense
Wheat and Barley
all strangers totally
Use and usefulness
meaning and meaningfully
furlong sunsets and typhoid
Makes no sense

Life wanders along.
meaningless existance
till you came along
meaning of life?

Sticky rivers of honey
reduced to dangers so funny
you look for a meaning in this poem
I ask you why?

Stop and smell the flowers
Get stung by a bee
Stop and take in the scenery
dont do it standing on the road
sense and sensibility
pride and prejudice
did she have to make anagrams?

A rhyme in a strange time
lost apon a field of lime
time like a trial
seperates and partitions
are you aware its happening
or are you so busy?

answer my question
reason with yourself
it starts with a day it moves to two it becomes a week
it lingers to a month
then what?
don't get so estranged
that when i see you
only the eyes of an eagle will recognise whats
moving away in the distance

maybe i'm being paranoid
talk to me, make me see
rescue me, be rescued by me
am i selfish? arn't we all?

Waiting for may
i'm waiting............

i'll get over it...we all have to learn to deal wiht things...its the way of life..bend in the wind or get broken.....dont...worry too much love

A Tad too much!!



These little fragments of our lives. The memories that build a human being. Sometimes they overwhelm you. If you've ever been traveling somewhere all by yourself, completely immersed in thought, in recollection, and all of a sudden you have a big grin on your face or a solitary teardrop tricking down your cheek. You know what i'm talking about. Its a welcome nostalgic memory that pervades the present and carries you off to a different time a different place.

The danger of being all alone is that you get carried away a little too often into this world of the past. Into a blur of places with distinct detailed spots. A rare moment is good is nice, its the little dash of spice to your life. Its like a red chilli in an omlette which still makes itself known long after the omlette is gone. As often as these memories hit me, it becomes, slightly strange. Not that I am actually complaining because the drops startlingly clear memory are more than welcome.

Its just that suddenly you realise that the focus of your life lies elsewhere. I know where mine is, in whom it resides. so when you don't have enough to distract you you automatically switch to a time when somebody can drive you to distraction. But the thing is it makes you wonder about the inequality of needs. It makes you think about how much the other person really remembers you and well actually how much time one has to remember you. I know on days i have enough on my plate to keep me from nostalgia. Its however a certain lack of being needed that drives you to actually sometimes get angry at the frequency of these memories.

When despite all assurances you know that you need surpasses that of another, dont ask me how! you just know and if it isn't confirmed by a certain occurrence. Rather the lack of it. You still deep down believe it. But atleast the saving grace is being an unconfirmed thing you can still refute it. You can still fight within yourself and say its untrue. However being a confirmed fact. It becomes a little scary. A occurrance that brings you abruptly to the face of reality. There is no excuse for it.

Note: you know what im thinking because i unlike you express myself. A blog that you read regularly. And this particular entry im sure you know what it refers to. It doesn't make a singular reference however. Its a generalization that holds true anywhere in the world. And its applies for some other people as well.

Set him free!!

There is a child in all of us. There is an innocent little child, who loves to play, to be free, to know the world as a bird does. Limitless and vast. A child who can close his eyes and spread his arms and believe they are the swift swallow or the Golden Eagle. There is a child in all of us. Who can believe the ocean is yellow and the sky is green. There is a child in all of us who drops off to sleep at a soft slow song. Theres a child in all of us who wants to tunelessly imitate a t.v star. There is a child in all of us.

Set him free!!