A Naked desert

Starkness!! Today i just felt to put it bluntly "low", emotionally drained, absolutely exhausted. There are those times when you just need a hug from a close one. From someone, in whose embrace you can totally unburden. Just cry your eyes out. Just just let loose all the pent up store of this wasteland thats called life. Let it transgress into the evergreen gardens of love. Just release the immeasurable sadness that we humans just accumulate. Gather and gather and store and store till it reached a point when it needs to be released. Like a climax in a song of bitter sadness. Like the dying wail of a pierced animal.

Just needing that release, you call people, you call for help and no one....No One is available. after all we all gather up our own stores of sadness. Just when and where we can never anticipate . And who and how are we needed is also beyond the fathoms of human understanding. Sensing the last desperate pleas of a mute cry for help is an art, a matter of intuition, a hearing of the heart. So clouded are we by the mundane wretchedness of our own lives that we cease to look beyond ourselves. There is a part of life that the soul must necessarily tread alone all alone, a bitter, sour road, thorny and twisted and its only big enough for one.

Strange is this need for a human touch of reassurance, for a want of something to drive away loneliness. I nearly did something very out of character today, driven by this need. I almost went over to a girl i saw today who I thought might be the same notch as my standard of friends, just to drive away the immense loneliness. But then i did say nearly, choosing rather to wallow in whatever "it" is for a while longer so that i could go and call my baby. Of course i know right now time is a shortage on your hands. So i have no qualms in telling you that i completely understand. ( i'm not trying to victimise myself, and for you to think that would be the last thing i need right now) As i tried other friends suddenly I just came across busy or unanswered numbers.

Completely depressed by this time i went to my Grandmothers room, and i Saw her close to tears. So instead of seeking the comfort i needed, I dispensed comfort and so strained to the very last dregs of my emotional sanity, i went searching for my mother, to completely un burden. Whilst hugging her i had to hold back the tears that were desperate for release, for i cant handle the demanded explanations that were to follow. So i turn to a book, benumbing my desperate tattered and bruised emotional quotient. Sorrow, and pain in every page i turn to.
In the last safe house, i look to my brother, and once again, it just turns to a deadened hush, a busy brother is no use to a sadness strained heart. And alas i retire this night to now only the blackness of sleep to shroud me and my wailing tormented soul and heart from "it".

And will this glorious redeemer of all ills, named blissful sleep arrive?, luggage and all? Question is will the pain in my heart allow my eyes to shut out a cruel, cruel world?